I'm so fucking centered right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
