The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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