I heard we made out
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
