ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
