i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you made out with another girl for some wings
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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