I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
