Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When are your genitals available?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
