he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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