so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
