I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
