bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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