Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
