She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize