The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize