Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
