Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
