Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she smelled like a LAN party
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
