did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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