i think my tv is drunk
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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