i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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