it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
