Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
