There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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