Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she told me i tasted like america
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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