the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
