I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
