Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
