so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
