yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
