The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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