Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
