EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
