Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
