i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
