We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
