Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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