Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
