That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize