I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
