Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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