My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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