# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
