meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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