She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fuck appropriateness.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
