Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
