Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he was CRYING into my vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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