Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
