No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
