So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
