Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
