I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
