Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
