So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
