I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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