dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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