Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
