I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
