why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
