Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
