He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
be right there i have to get my cape
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
