I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize