hotel room ftw
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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