We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize