honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
