"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
