Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im holly from the hills drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize