I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
