can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
