My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
