I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
