bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Four minutes until I can fart!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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