i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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