She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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