It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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