I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
